No Longer Lesbian

Feb 2, 12 • Sexuality5 Comments

Yesterday, The Burner shared with you excerpts of the letters from former provost Sherwood Lingenfelter and his daughter, Jennifer, regarding Jennifer’s sexual orientation published in the Fuller student publication, The Semi.

The Semi also published an article from current Fuller Doctor of Ministry student Maria Cardenas Baez about her quest to change her same-sex attraction.

I was born to be a lesbian. Early in life, there was never a question about changing my sexual orientation and the attraction I had for the same sex led me into two significant, long-lasting relationships. During that time, my parents diligently prayed for me and requested prayers from our church, believing that there was another way for me.

After several years of being out of the closet and fully engaging in the gay community, I lost a close friend in an accident. Ray’s death was one of the most painful times in my life. Despondent, a friend asked me to go to a retreat in San Francisco to help me grieve and set aside time to deal with the pain I continued to feel. There, I began to examine my lifestyle and realized I didn’t want to be a lesbian anymore. During a quiet time of prayer, I realized I didn’t want to return home and go back into the lesbian lifestyle. I was strongly impressed by the emptiness of seeking fulfillment in another person rather than God and no longer wanted to desire sexual intimacy with a woman. I wanted to desire God to fill my life. It was at this point I made a deal with God. I asked Him either to end my life or change it.

I immediately dropped all association with my gay and lesbian friends. Something very deep inside me no longer wanted to be a part of the homosexual community, no longer wanted to participate in the culture or lifestyle. I began pursuing this new relationship with God. For six months I spent an hour each day in a Catholic chapel, meditating on God and considering this new, deep attraction for Him. At the same time, I began attending my parents’ PC (USA) church and was welcomed there. I trusted the youth pastor enough to tell him about my background. He was very caring and sought resources that could support me. He didn’t find any in the Presbyterian Church, but did locate an interdenominational discipleship class that I joined where I developed a relationship with a female leader. She took time with me, allowing me to discuss my questions about the Bible, my relationship with God and my sexual struggles. She continually pointed me to Jesus as my redeemer and source of transformation.

As helpful as that time was, I also began meeting with a licensed Christian counselor. More sexual issues began to arise, the counselor referred me to a ministry that specializes in helping people work through sexual struggles. I continued getting in touch with the core needs and issues that had resulted in my lesbian attraction and relationship- needs that required affirmation and nurturing as a woman, needs for unconditional love. Here I learned that only God, not another women, could truly love me. This process of transformation was not an easy one, but as I let people in my Presbyterian church know about my involvement in this ministry, I received prayer, acceptance, and encouragement. They always reminded me that my hope was in God and never tried to take God’s place in my life. They also never compromised the standard for sexual purity in scripture or its mandate to love one another.

It has been a number of years now since this process began. Today I am secure in the love I have found in God and His people, people who have helped me take the extra step toward God through their tough love. Instead of condemning me or compromising God’s standards for me, they supported my journey of restoration and transformation set before me in Christ.

 Thanks to The Semi for publishing these thought-provoking articles!
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5 Responses to No Longer Lesbian

  1. Cd-art1 says:

    ew. there are no words for such a brainwashed homophobe.

  2. Cd-art1 says:

    Sherwood Lingerfelter, you should be ashamed of yourself.  Accept your daughter and her happiness.  Geez.  Is that too much to ask?  

  3. this one says:

    ultimately this is just making me sad, I really wish parents (and everyone) would just accept eachother’s differences. there’s nothing wrong with being gay, and if you want to be christian and gay, then that’s perfectly okay!

  4. Cristal says:

    It’s not about being gay or not being gay, it’s about finding God and wanting to live the way God wants. I think this person is very brave and will be rewarded on that special day! Hate sin. Love people, love sinners. After all we all do things we know are wrong and yes there’s plenty of people to tell you it’s not wrong or even encourage your sin what ever it may be. It takes a special person to do what they know in their heart is right

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