You can read other parts of David’s review on Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship and Life Together by Mark and Grace Driscoll here, here, and here. There are also lots of other thoughtful reviews bouncing around the interwebs.
Yesterday, I posted the first part of the review on Mark and Grace Driscoll’s book Real Marriage. Today we will continue.
In today’s parlance, the phrase ‘male chauvinist’ as been abandoned for the stronger term ‘misogynist’. I admit that ‘chauvinist’ sounds like a mid-80s Stenheim disciple breaking through the glass celling with her Murphy Brown shoulder-padded blazer. However, the way that Real Marriage is written follows less of the ‘hatred of women’ misogyny definition and more of the classic “barefoot and pregnant” chauvinist worldview: men are better, or at least more important, than women.
Driscoll follows this line of thinking in creative ways. The man is the really, really important one in the marriage:
In this season we shifted into ministry-and-family mode, neglecting our intimacy and failing to work through our issues. This became apparent to me when my pregnant wife came home from a hair appointment with her previously long hair (that I loved) chopped off and replaced with a short mommish haircut. She asked what I thought, and could tell from the look on my face. She had put a mom’s need for convenience before being a wife. She wept. (11)
See? He doesn’t hate his wife–she’s just not as important as him.
Men, we can help our wives by serving them, especially if they are working outside the home or have children who can take forever to get down for bed. This may include, if finances permit, a housekeeper or other help to free up some of your wife’s energy. (166)
Heaven forbid that the husband actually help his wife himself. Not to mention the implied belief that household duties and childrearing are the wife’s job.
In choosing a church, it must be a church that the husband wants to attend. Too often the wife is the one choosing the church because it meets her emotional desires and the children’s programming needs… [He explains that men don’t like to go to church.] To curb this trend, you, the husband, need to take the initiative to find a church that you also find challenging, one that is filled with men you respect, enjoy and would pursue godly relationships with. (59)
Poor women. They can’t distinguish between their girly feelings and their need to worship God corporately in a c0mmunity of faith.
Tell me this is not a classically male chauvinist attitude–and as I wrote yesterday, I’m not necessarily a feminist! That this kind of thinking is published in 2012 is astounding to me.
Look for part three tomorrow.